There’s a strange divide in the people in my life of ones who have been very surprised that I’m an introvert and ones who haven’t been surprised at all. This makes sense when realizing just how many popular misconceptions about introverts there are, but it’s still a little frustrating sometimes. I remember a few years ago, when I first started getting interested in introversion dynamics, looking up information online and being bombarded with tips that really sounded a lot like “how to not be an introvert — be an extrovert instead!” This is neither A) realistic or B) desirable. Introversion (or extroversion) in and of itself is not a blessing or a curse, it’s all about figuring out what works for you and tailoring your interactions to make you feel healthiest and happiest.
Please note that all of these tips will not apply to all introverts because – surprise! – we’re a diverse group with different characteristics, values, and interests. One size does not fit all 🙂
1. Get involved with the things that interest you. A common characteristic of introverts is a desire for meaningful conversation and interactions. I dislike small talk but still want to get to know people… I would just much rather talk about philosophy than run through the same, boring 10 Q&As for every person I meet.
How does getting involved help? It’ll connect you with like-minded people that have at least some of the same interests as you. When I go to Model UN meetings, I know that I’ll be interacting with people who are interested in in-depth conversations about politics or world affairs. At the Order of the Phoenix club, we can rant about Harry Potter headcanons and debate the pros and cons of attending Hogwarts (pros: magic, cons: death seems much more imminent). There are so many clubs and teams at Glendon (and even more over at the Keele campus) that finding something you’re passionate about shouldn’t be too hard.
small talk is THE WORST!!
2. Rehearse what you’re going to say. Personally, I don’t mind (and sometimes even enjoy) public speaking and presentations. If that’s you, great! If not, that’s also totally okay. A large part of the reason I feel so comfortable doing presentations is because of how I prepare for them. When planning out a presentation, I do a very detailed, precise layout of exactly what I’m going to say. It helps me a lot to plot things out as I’m actually going to say them (slang, rhetorical questions, asides, etc. included!) so that by the time I go to present, I’m already comfortable and familiar with what’s going to happen. I don’t actually write all of it down because re-writing points just isn’t my style and doesn’t help much with my retention, but even just repeating it to myself in my head a few times before the real deal is so so helpful.
The same principle works with participation as well, as disingenuous as this may sound. Participation is meant to be spontaneous, isn’t it? In a lot of my classes (and life in general), I tend to get so focused on listening and taking in what everyone else is saying during class discussions that I forget to volunteer my own thoughts. When I’m doing a reading or listening to a presentation that will be followed by a discussion, it helps to identify a point I can bring up later, even if I don’t know exactly the direction the discussion will turn.
You know you’ve got a killer point to make
3. Opt for nights in or activities where you’re actively engaging. I love going out with my friends whether it’s to eat dessert, explore the city, or even attend a party. Sometimes though, I want to be social but not leave the comfort of residence. I’m 99% sure everyone feels like this sometimes which makes it 10x easier! I’ve done a million and one common room movie nights but you can also try board games, art nights, cooking, etc. Not only are nights in generally cheaper (#IMPORTANT), they’re also way more convenient and relaxing for me.
If you are in the mood to go out, consider an activity where you’ll be doing something instead of just sitting and talking. Especially with friends that I don’t know as well, I find it can be a bit awkward to just go straight to the dinner date, a preference that goes back to my dislike of small talk. Try doing an activity where you have something to do with your friends, like rock climbing, skating, trampolining, laser tag, bowling, etc. etc. etc. There’s a never-ending list of activities to check out in Toronto, find something that sounds fun to you!
4. Set aside some time everyday to recharge. For me, I take about half an hour (or more if I’m able to) every night before I go to sleep to recharge.after a day of social interaction. I’m involved in a lot of activities that require being around other people and while these are great, they can leave me feeling exhausted if I don’t take time afterwards to properly wind down. I can’t go straight from a social event or party to bed, I need to take at least half an hour to read a book or watch an episode of my favourite TV show by myself. Similarly, if I have a busy day planned, I’ll take lunch as a chance to get away for a bit. If you can’t physically leave and find a quiet spot, put in some headphones or pull out a book and only the rare, clueless person will keep trying to have a conversation.
Can’t you see I’m busy being by myself??
5. Take a day off and don’t feel guilty about it. Take time away from people. I’m serious. Feeling drained? Don’t go that event, tell your friends you’re having a quiet night in, lock your door and curl up with a book or a movie. I used to get really shy about taking time to be by myself and recharge but it is SO important. Don’t feel guilty for having to cancel on an event you said you would go to or a study date with a friend. Your mental health comes first. SELF-CARE SELF-CARE SELF-CARE ♥
Listening to yourself and taking the time you need to recharge is not only kinder to yourself, but also better for the people around you. If I’m at my limits of being around people, I get really anxious and irritable, I can’t focus as well, and I won’t be as productive. Do yourself and your friends and family a favour and get away when you need to.
GUILTY NO MORE
Have any more tips? I would love love love to hear them. Drop a comment below or find me on Twitter @soniapGL!
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